ME: Ok mate, time to put your collar on, we're going for a walk.
ERNIE: YES! I LOVE THE TRY-AND-BITE-THE-COLLAR-GAME!!
ME: No, mate, I put the collar ON you, you don't bite it.
ME: I can't hear you with the collar in your mouth.
ERNIE: I SAID I LOVE THIS GAME!
ME: Let me put it on NOW or we'll be late for puppy pre-school.
ME: Collar, mate, I can't hear-
ME: Because I was playing Hearthstone for too long and lost track of time.
ERNIE: You should really be more careful with your time management, shouldn't you?
ME: You're not intellectually capable of that kind of assessment.
ERNIE: You're projecting human emotions onto an animal form. It's what a lot of people do with their pets.
ME: Oh, sorry.
ERNIE: WEDDLE FLANE JAV
ERNIE: I said don't worry about it. Says more about you than it does about me.
ME: So you loved puppy pre school that time, huh?
ERNIE: I LOVED IT! I PLAYED WITH THE OTHER PUPPIES AND I WAS AMAZING.
ME: That Staffie didn't bite you too hard?
ERNIE: THAT STAFFIE WAS AMAZING I KICKED ARSE.
ME: You whined like you were hurt.
ERNIE: I was just playing. You gotta let me do my th-WHAT WAS THAT?!
ME: That was me stirring my tea.
ERNIE: Jesus. I thought we were under attack.
ME: See, this is why I worry about you.
ME: What are you doing?
What are you doing Ernie?
Good boy! That's a good boy! That's where we poo! Yes!
Why are you eating it?! Ernie, stop!
Seriously, cut it out. Eat your breakfast instead!
You mystify me.
ERNIE: I am an enigma.