Puppy Diaries: Living with Ernie

It's been a week. Living with Ernie is like living with your drunk, unemployed, slightly needy flatmate. Except with more pooing. Still, he's doing better than expected. At just ten weeks of age, Ernie will sleep quietly from 9pm to 630am, will sit on command, and will poo on the balcony outdoors (although not always in his designated spot). He's never aggressive, and he's incredibly people friendly. In fact, the time where he's noisiest is at 630 in the morning.

ERNIE: (from the laundry) GUYS!

Long beat as Emily and Dave try to sleep.

ERNIE: GUYS! WAKE UP. 

Emily and David attempt to block out the noise.

ERNIE: I'M GONNA TAKE A MASSIVE DUMP UNLESS YOU COME RIGHT NOW.

And that's how Ernie gets let out in the morning.

Ernie's favourite toy is a long red and black snake. We've given it the affectionate title of 'Nake'. At first the relationship between them was adversarial, and Ernie took to killing Nake with a heroic passion similar to that of a soldier in battle. Then things got more complicated. Ernie regularly climbs into such a state of excitement that he'll take to humping Nake into oblivion. It's a task that requires impressive acrobatic skill. He lies on his back, Nake's head in his mouth, with front paws pressing the toy's body against himself. One isn't entirely sure whether to groan in bemused repulsion or applaud, given the amount of effort it can take to get into the position.

Last night was Puppy Pre-School, Ernie's first lengthy socialisation with other dogs. His fellow classmates were a German Shepard, a Jack Russell Terrier and a pit bull and 'something' mix. Ernie was instantly the bottom of the food chain. Shy, but still curious (and pleasingly not anxious) he was polite in greeting the other dogs and would shrink into submission at the smallest sign of dominance. 

ARCHIE: (the German Shepherd) LET'S PLAY I WANNA PLAY LET'S PLAY DUDE COME ONE LET'S PLAY.

ERNIE: No thank you. I feel that's inappropriate right now as the very kind vet nurse seems to be trying to explain toilet training to the humans.

Indeed, Ernie is far more interested and responsive to humans than other dogs. He happily bound up to any human or set at their feet, looking for protection against the onslaught of energetic puppies.

PUPPIES: COME HERE FUCK OFF OH MY GOD WHAT'S THAT I CAN'T WHAT ARE YOU DOMINATE OUCH WEE

ERNIE: What's wrong with you people?

Ernie passed Puppy Pre-school with flying colours. He's instantly forgiving, forever in the moment, and a silly dag. More soon.